AITA for silently changing my son’s name after my brother and SIL gave my nephew the name too?
My wife and I had our son 4 months ago. We had a name chosen early in her pregnancy. We kept that name to ourselves but my SIL (married to my brother) found it out when she was still pregnant with my nephew (almost 7 months old). She never said how. She just told us she loved the name, congrats and she couldn’t wait to meet him. We assume she snooped because she was not told. I even mentioned it to my brother and he said that his wife does like to browse through people’s things like it was no biggie.
Then when my nephew was born they announced his name and it was the name we chose. First, middle and last name. My brother called right after SIL posted the announcement and he told me to keep quiet because his wife had a rough birth and she didn’t need drama and he knew we might not like it but she really wanted the name.
Her reason? My brother and I have matching twin-like names and SIL wanted to connect our two boys by just giving them the same name so they were each other’s namesake.
My wife and I talked it over and we decided to pick a different name. But we’d pretend to keep the original name until there was zero risk of SIL changing my nephew’s name (6 months after a birth is harder to make a change in our state).
We only started telling people the true name last week. My parents and sisters said it made sense. Friends and my ILs understood why we did it. My brother told me I upset his wife by silently doing this shit and taking away her choice to match the boys. He told me it was a dick move. I told him his wife using the full name we chose was a dick move.
I asked him if he considered how much tougher it would be with both boys enrolled in the same schools with the very same name. Not to mention banking, doctors, dental all kinds of stuff. He told me plenty of people have the same name and it’s not a big deal and it’s harder to mix shit up now and we’re just trying to gatekeep names.
I think he’s cray. So does my wife. She said he clearly doesn’t want SIL to be mad. But AITA for what I did? Like are we weird for thinking of this kind of stuff?
Some Responses:
- Definitely NTA: Your brother is outraged that you “took away SIL’s choice to match the boys” What about the fact that she took away your choice to have an individual name? By invading your privacy? He’s fine with that I assume?
- NTA for not letting SIL dictate names, her snooping was low-key whack. Your boy deserves an identity that’s uniquely his, sans familial name-cloning drama.
- Your brother and sister in law are WEIRDOS. Not just for picking the same name secretly that you had already chosen (and then hypocritically getting mad at you for secretly changing your son’s name), but also for being mad that they can’t force you all to have the same name as their son. They also don’t sound very bright.
- We just glossing over how bro casually mentions his wife is a whole ass snoop who “goes thru other people’s things…but it’s no big deal”
What?
Edit to add (now that I’ve finished reading) “oh boo hoo you took away my wife’s decisions to make the boys match”
Bish what? She needs some mental help of some sort (what sort I do not know) if she thinks she’s the wronged party because people she didn’t discuss something like this with went ahead and did something in their own family without her express permission.
She’s nutso.
- NTA, and honestly? You’re kind of a legend. Your SIL straight up stole the name from your unborn child like it was a baby naming Black Friday sale. First, middle, and last? That’s not “connecting the cousins,” that’s identity theft with extra audacity. And your brother’s like, “Please don’t cause drama, she just gave birth.” Sir, your wife created drama.. You handled it perfectly: strategic silence, tactical rename, and a plot twist reveal once the name-change window closed. That’s Game of Thrones-level parenting. Also, let’s be real your brother saying “plenty of people have the same name” is hilarious when they deliberately stole yours. That’s not coincidence, that’s copy pasting.
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